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Could Happen
Could Happen

He Cheated Emotionally But Swears Nothing Sexual Happened

I recently heard from a wife who was reeling from the realization that her husband truly had an emotional affair. Apparently, the wife had suspected something inappropriate between her husband and a coworker for some time, but the husband always told the wife that she was imagining things and "being ridiculous." But, the wife recently learned that her suspicions were not so ridiculous after all. She found some emails and texts between the two of them which very obviously showed a relationship and a connection.

Needless to say, the wife immediately confronted the husband with proof in hand. The husband finally relented that the two had "some sort of an emotional connection," but then kept swearing that "nothing happened." The wife took this to mean that nothing physical happened, meaning there was no sex.

However, the whole "nothing happened" argument just didn't cut it with the wife. First of all, she wasn't sure if she even believed this. But also, she was just as hurt by the emotional betrayal as she suspected she would have been if there had been an actual physical betrayal. She said, in part: "those emails and texts tore me up inside. He was loving and supportive of her in the way that he used to be toward me when we first got married. He seemed so sweet and caring in ways that he hasn't acted toward me in a very long time. If this isn't an affair and cheating, I don't know what is."

The wife's feelings were not at all uncommon. I hear from a lot of wives in this situation and the majority feel that emotional cheating is still cheating even when the husband swears that "nothing happened." Many see the emotional betrayal every bit as hurtful as a physical one.

Men in this situation, however, don't always see it this way. I hear from them sometimes also and they sometimes see this as a huge distinction. They do not understand why, if they did not physically cheat, they are being treated as though they did. Sometimes, I'm able to make them understand by turning the tables and asking them how they would feel if their wife had an "emotional" connection with another man. Sometimes this rings a bell with them and sometimes it doesn't. But, there is no question in my mind that husbands and wives see this issue quite differently.

So where does this leave the wives whose husbands had an emotional affair? My take on this is that the healing process is generally the same as it would be if the affair was a physical one. Because at the end of the day, the emotional cheating is often carried out in exactly the same way - in secret and in betrayal of a spouse. And there's no question that the husbands in this scenario were seeking emotional support from a place where they should not have been. I often tell husbands that if they are doing something that they wouldn't do with their wife standing over their shoulder, then tells them it's inappropriate, hurtful, and plain wrong.

In truth, I believe that, deep in their hearts, most husbands know that the emotional affair is wrong, which is why they don't usually do it openly. But, many will try to justify it with the "nothing happened" excuse. If this is your scenario, you will sometimes have to be very direct about the fact that you see this as cheating or an affair, period. This will sometimes at least slow his "nothing happened" argument and allow him to see that he may as well stop using it and deal with the issue at hand.

With that said, healing from both physical and emotional affairs are certainly possible. And, the steps for both are quite similar. You'll want to figure out why this betrayal happened, place some safeguards in place, and begin to rebuild the marriage and the closeness, if this is what you chose to do. My take on this may be because I'm a woman who has dealt with infidelity but it's my opinion that the core issue isn't whether anything physical happened, it's whether a betrayal took place and whether or not it can be fixed.

There was a time when I thought I would never get over my husband's affair, but this is in the past. Although I never would've believed this two years ago, my marriage is stronger. It took a lot of work, and I had to play the game to win, but it was worth it. Because of all the work I did on myself, my self esteem is pretty high. I no longer worry my husband will cheat again. You can read a very personal story on my blog at http://surviving-the-affair.com

About the Author

Katie Lersch writes articles about moving past an affair.  Her corresponding blog is at http://surviving-the-affair.com/

What could happen if i sell ilegal copyrighted ebooks on ebay?

I sold couple of EBook from an illegal source on ebay. what could happen to me ?
get my account banned ? or serious charges.. like fine and or jail :/
should i continue doing it ?
=( ok so what should i do ? pray those who bought my ebook wont sue me.. i only sold 5 of em

You will be banned when caught, and the copyright holder can sue you for far more than you received. I think you know the answer to 'should continue?"

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