Bad Mother
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Bad Mother
Bad mothering equals bad friend
Over my life I have had many friends and long friendships that still endure today.
When a friendship flounders, the problem is always that my friend is too needy, self-centred and controlling. Bossy, demanding and definitely on the wrong side of the co-dependent scale. I have read alot and experienced degrees of co-dependency in my own self but the factor of co-dependent girlfriends always disturbs me and my sleep, often for days.
I re-examine my own life and wonder how I have ended up in another draining relationship with another self-centred, controlling and (unashamedly) needy women.
I can now, definitely see, that what all these failed friendships have in common is that the woman has not had a healthy relationship with her mother or in some sad cases, has not had a mother and even sadder, has had wicked stepmother.
I, on the other hand, had a very loving and caring relationship with my Mum and I still do. We have deep respect and admiration for each other and above all we accept each other and our many differences. I am similar in my mother in lots of important ways and in others, I am most unlike her. I am a very caring and kind person, just like my mum and I think this is where I fall down in choosing friends that can be a bit draining at times.
Now back to drainging friend. So due to a bad or non existent relationship with a mother, future friendships with other women are always competitions. Needy friend must call the shots, make plans and run everything. She will try and dictate what you wear and eat, she always picks the cafes, times, etc. If she has a coffee morning or a tupperware evening, you must go or your non attendance will go down on her score-card. She has one for everyone.
Badly mothered women, do not like being alone or un-needed. They need constant reassurance but at the same time, they will try to rob your self esteem to bolster their own.
Strangely although they have an obvious low self-image, they manufacture a world for themselves where they behave like a pampered, over-indulged, princess and believe they are indeed royalty and are above everyone else. They look down on people and when you first get to know them they will always tell you of all their achievements throughout life and how good they are at everything.
Inside, they are very sad and lonely and probably hate themselves because the truth they grew up with, is that their mothers didn't love them so how could anybody. We all know that not even the wildest, meanest animals in the world, won't reject their own young.
So the desperate young girl, perceives herself to be worse than Cinderella, all women are ugly stepsisters and Prince Charming is never going to come to her dirty little corner of the world.
Drug and alcohol abuse is common, so that they can forget how much their mothers didn't want them. Sexual promiscuity is a sport pursued, another competition to be won. A further trophy to hold up to her friends so she can say, "Look how good I am at pulling men."
In conclusion. (Maybe I need to write another article as a conclusion.)
Motherless girls and women, need lots of reassurance and acceptance for who they are not what they do.
Friends of these ladies, need to have strong rules in place. Always let your 'yay' be 'yay' and your 'no' be 'no', to these people.
Go ahead, try it. Set yourself free, set them free.
About the Author
Are you a bad mother if you give your kids to there father, due to losing your job, house, & etc?
Are you a bad mother if you give your kids to there father, due to losing your job, house, & etc?
There father is in a better situation then your are.
A mother's job is to make sure her children are safe and taken care of. If she can't do it properly at the moment, then it's reasonable to expect her to place them where someone else can. This is a loving act. Just be sure that you see them regularly to ease the transition. Good luck to you.
One Bad Mother